Whuh? Are we talking about the same thing here? I've noticed in the past when the topic of infidelity has come up on this board you've had some very strong reactions. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you here, but I get the feeling that at some point you were badly hurt by infidelity. Maybe you cheated on someone and the consequences were disastrous. Maybe someone cheated on you and it devastated you. I say this because when I read your posts on the subject I feel like there is some context missing that would make your idea more understandable. Like you are thinking about something that happened to you while you write, and maybe your posts would be more understandable if we knew what that was.Embar Angylwrath wrote:Sorry Klast, if you read that eHarmony article carefully, and I mean REALLY carefully, you'll see that
1) No one knows the extent of infidelities
2) The article says it can't establsih one true cause (but if you read deeper, it's all about a selfish choice.. hey we make them all the time)
People who commit infidelity do so because they feel their emotional needs are more important than anyhting else. Hell, I'd like to say it was rational thought, but it's not. It's primal. It's all about preservation of self, and so can't be grouped with higher thought. Sure, there's rational thought involved, but it's completely overwhlemed by the lizard brain. I'm convinced that some people are pretty much immune to it, and some people will succumb most every time.
Again, Klast is dead-wrong about infidelity being about needs not being met in a relationship. It's about the person not feeling good enough about themselves to succumb to infidelity. No relationship will address or solve that very personal, very intimate, view of one's self. People who cheat are incomplete (we all are to some degree), but at the core, they are very, very selfish people. Doesn't mean they can't evolve and learn, some can. But at the stage of their lives where they can choose to betray others who they profess to care about, they are deluding themselves about their capacity for empathy and love.
Sorry Klast, this fits you bro. You haven't seen the truth of this yet, and until you do, you're living in a denial of yourself. Your statements of "If I want to cheat, I'll tell you and break up" are pretty pathetic, if you ask me. You think you're doping your wife a favor by telling her that? You think you're somehow noble by giving the "heads-up" if you want to cheat?
For one... if it comes down to it, you'll cheat, and you won't tell her. Why? Because people who don't want to cheat, won't. You'd be better off by saying "Honey, I fell myself attracted to another woman, and I know that signals something is causing me to drift from the relationship. I don't wan't to drift, and I want your help. Let's explore this together."
What.. you're gonna just let it get to the point of infidelity and give her the choice of staying or going? You're one brave fucking guy Klast. Way to take the high road. Way to be truthful (but not honest).
So will you tell us? What happened?